Objective

To create awareness by identifying patterns of behaviour and communication styles in ourselves.

Awareness is the first step for any change and with this awareness we are able to make choices about how we want to communicate, catch ourselves when we are repeating the pattern, and in time change the behaviour.

1.      Contemplation

Take some time to recall a difficult conversation that you have had recently.  

I suggest you bring to mind a situation that is not the most challenging for you. Using a scale for 0 to 10 - where 10 is something very emotional - choose something that is between 3-4 so that you can explore the situation without being overwhelmed. As you become more resilient and when you feel resourced to deal with bigger emotions you might choose to explore a more challenging situation.

Get clear in your mind where were you? What was the situation? In what physical space were you?

Get a clear sense of that interaction; recollecting your own experience.

 2.      Journaling

Part A. Your experience

• How were you feeling emotionally? What emotion was present?

• Can you pinpoint what made this emotion be here?

• What sensations were present in your body? How was your breathing like? Were there any sensations in your gut? Or perhaps tension in your face, shoulders or back, or any flushes of heat or coolness?

• What was going on in your head, what kind of thoughts were you having? 

• What sense were you making of this interaction?

• What were your impulses? To run, to fight, to hide, to dismiss?

• How much of those thoughts, feelings, impulses came out in that interaction?

• What did you say or not say? And did that feel useful or not?

• If you check-in with your heart, what were you truly wanting? What were you truly needing? And did you get it?

• What would you have loved to have happened?

• Do you see any pattern in this communication? Are these feelings, sensations, or impulses familiar to you?

• Is this a pattern in your life?  

 Part B. The other person’s experience.

Now, stepping into the other person’s shoes and imagining:

• How were they feeling emotionally?

• What do you imagine were the sensations in their body? What was their breathing like? were there any sensations in their gut or throat? Any tension in their face, shoulders or back, or any flushes of heat or coolness?

• What do you imagine was going on in their head, what kind of thoughts were they having? 

• What sense were they making out of this interaction?

• What kind of impulses were they experiencing? To run, to fight, to hide, or to dismiss?

• How much of those thoughts, feelings, or impulses came out?

• In their heart, what were they truly wanting or needing?

• What would they have loved to have happened? did they get it?

 3.     Drawing

Draw an image/representation which captures the pattern or interaction.  Capture an abstraction of this interaction in that moment without words.

4.     Reflection

As you slow everything down and give yourself space and time to explore your experience, take a moment to notice:

• What is it like to have a chance to pause, notice and reflect?

Too often in conversations and certainly in difficult ones we don't have the chance to pause and reflect.

Take some time to notice, reflect and journal the following:

• What was your experience as you stepped into the other person’s shoes?

• What are you becoming aware of as you explore this conversation?

• What can you see now that you couldn’t see before?

• What are you learning about yourself?

I hope this exercise was helpful and enlightening for you.

If you have any questions or want to explore this further, please feel free to get in touch.

With love,

Mariana